How to Love

How to Love

Most people who Google “how to love” are probably looking for some help in finding love, a person to love, or some understanding of feelings they have. If you have looked in the dictionary or around the web for a definition of the active verb “to love”, you have probably been frustrated. I hope to help alleviate your frustration.

“Love” is probably the most used and least understood active verb in any language and with good reason. It is inextricably braid together with feelings, emotions--often unbidden and uncontrollable. I am going to try to give you a definition of the verb to love that is on solid, unemotional ground and I am going to give you someone to practice on.

The foundation is unconditional acceptance. That is accepting a person as they are, without judgment. There will undoubtedly be things about that person you don’t understand and the more involved you become with a person the more you are likely to try to understand the things that mystify you but overall you must work toward acceptance. That is the foundation for romantic love, love of parents, siblings, offspring, neighbors and even enemies. There is one other love not mentioned in the previous sentence. When I was researching and thinking about love this last one was the last one I came to think about—amazing as it is the most important—and that is love of self.

So there you have it. All you have to do is work on unconditional acceptance of yourself. I’m not implying it will be easy though I really have no idea. I’m in my seventies and I can’t tell you just when I came to accept myself. I think I reached a reasonable level of acceptance in my early thirties and that I have gotten better over the years but I still have lapses when I do something that I then wish I hadn’t done. But the thing is, I can work on acceptance of myself and others and the more successful I am, the better I like myself and the better I like myself, the more others seem to like me and that is a very good feeling.

You can follow my thinking that came to the conclusion stated here in my umpublished book How to Improve Your Life and Save the World. (Click on "love" on my home page.)